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The Last Page News: 'All the news that fits we print'
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Author Topic: The Last Page News: 'All the news that fits we print'  (Read 122653 times)
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« on: February 03, 2005, 22:54:40 EST »

Okay, I've been debating whether I should put up a topic like this here.

I started a topic that has been moderately successful on another forum as a collection point for the type of news stories that major newspapers use as filler.   These usually include animal mishaps, misguided criminals, and other generally crazy or wierd stuff that makes the wire services.

Well here goes . . .

That's the last time she tries to joke about taxes:

Quote
Feb 3, 6:23 PM EST

Ohio Woman Suspended for Tax Form Humor

MIDDLETOWN, Ohio (AP) -- The city's tax superintendent has been suspended without pay for a week for trying to inject some humor in the city income tax filing instructions.

The forms - with such lines as, "If we can tax it, we will," - were sent last week to all Middletown businesses and residents who pay city income tax.

The attempt at humor by Linda Stubbs was called "misguided" by city Finance Director John Lyons.

Lyons said revised forms were sent out immediately at a cost to taxpayers of about $5,500.   

Among the lines that city officials didn't think were very funny was this one:

"Free advice: if you don't have a profit in a five-year period, you might want to consider another line of work."

Middletown is about 25 miles northeast of Cincinnati.

------

Information from: Middletown Journal, http://www.middletown.com

© 2005 The Associated Press
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« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2005, 23:12:18 EST »

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she got punished for that and new forms were sent out, but... Yuck.  IMO, trying to make some one smile should have been met with a warning at most, and it shouldn't warrant creating and distributing replacement forms when the originals aren't rendered useless. :roll:
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« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2005, 02:13:01 EST »

Lol, poor her.
Keep 'em comming VM.
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« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2005, 15:48:31 EST »

Don't worry if you can't make it to court - the judge can still sentence you!

(Source)

Quote
A defendant stuck in a traffic jam on his way to court could not escape the long arm of the law - the judge phoned him up to sentence him.

As he sat in miles of tailbacks, Aftab Ahmed, 44, was contacted on his mobile phone by his solicitor at the request of Judge Caroline Ludlow, who had explained that she knew of no restrictions against passing a non-custodial sentence this way. Taking the phone, she sentenced him to a 140-hour community punishment order and told him to pay ?750 in costs for offences relating to his bankruptcy proceedings.

Ahmed, 44, who was attempting to get to Ipswich Crown Court when he got stuck on the A14 at Elmswell, Suffolk, is believed to be one of the first people in Britain to be sentenced by phone.

Ipswich Crown Court clerk Rachel Bonner said: "He pulled over and the judge sentenced him. She spoke to him in open court, and repeated everything he said to the court."

The judge had wanted to avoid incurring more court costs by adjourning the case again.
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« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2005, 18:12:20 EST »

hehe, i see the new wave of the futer.  Everyone is to lazy to get up and drive to court, so all the procedings take place over video phone!  XD
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« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2005, 18:55:18 EST »

...So, this sentencing was after he'd had a chance to defend himself, right?

Though, Jake, that isn't too bad an idea, since the jury being in contact with the defendent clearly causes a certain degree of prejudice one way or the other. Maybe the jury and the defendent shouldn't have direct contact with each other, somehow. Would have to be very careful about implementing this without hurting the defendent's defencive capabilities, but still.
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« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2005, 21:06:05 EST »

There's a lesson here somewhere.


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Feb 4, 5:50 PM EST

Man Hides From Cops, Then Calls for Help

MONROE, La. (AP) -- Jerry Wayne Till managed to get away from sheriff's deputies and elude them briefly - until he called them for help after he got lost in the woods.

A sheriff's deputy tried to pull over Till on Wednesday evening for speeding, but Till drove away, exceeding 100 mph at times, before eventually abandoning his vehicle and running into the woods, according to the arrest affidavit.

Deputies brought in search dogs, but couldn't locate Till until he called the sheriff's office from his cell phone asking for help because he was lost.

Deputies still couldn't find him, until a nearby resident heard Till crying for help and called the authorities.

Maj. Jay Russell said deputies believe Till was heading to his home, but got misdirected in the woods. Deputies took him into custody about a quarter mile from the house of the deputy who tried to pull him over.

Till, who was charged with aggravated flight and driving with an expired license, told deputies that he didn't pull over because he wasn't thinking straight.

© 2005 The Associated Press.


Can't have people feeding pigeons now, can we?

Quote
Feb 4, 7:27 PM EST

Woman, 73, Jailed for Feeding Pigeons

MARTINS FERRY, Ohio (AP) -- A 73-year-old woman spent a week in jail for ignoring a judge's orders to stop feeding flocks of pigeons in her back yard.

Anna Stahanczyk promised a judge in 2001 she would quit putting out seed for the birds, but neighbors complained last year that she was doing it again, said Belmont County Prosecutor Chris Berhalter. The neighbors videotaped Stahanczyk buying and spreading seed, Berhalter said.

"We're talking about hundreds and hundreds of pigeons," he said.

Belmont County Northern Division Judge Frank Fregiato warned Stahanczyk last year to stop, but the neighbors in the southeastern Ohio town of Bridgeport again caught her on tape, Berhalter said. Last month, Fregiato found her guilty of violating a public health statute, gave her a 60-day suspended sentence and ordered a mental evaluation.
   
"The court was concerned that she didn't understand what was going on," Berhalter said.

Stahanczyk was booked into the Belmont County Jail on Jan. 26 and was held separately from other inmates until her lawyer convinced Fregiato that Stahanczyk was of sound mind. She was released on Wednesday.

"It's not why we build jails, it's not why I prosecute crime, but I think the court was left with no other options here," Berhalter said.

No phone listing for Stahanczyk could be found.

© 2005 The Associated Press
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« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2005, 22:48:08 EST »

OK... So a tonne of pigeons in public places exposed to crowds of people aren't a health issue but  a few hundred in some woman's backyard in a suburb somewhere is?

Sorry, but I'm missing something here.
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« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2005, 22:50:29 EST »

Lol, reminds me of one time when I was at the beach there were hundreds of seaguls everywhere! And I was wondering "Did something screw up and they think it's time to go South? Is there like an eagle and this is their safe spot?" and then an old lady with a walker came out from behind a bush and they all flew to her and she pulled out a loaf of bread and started feeding them...

I didn't think birds were so intelligent to recognise someone as a feeder.
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« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2005, 22:56:24 EST »

Oh, they learn it, all right.  I'm just not quite sure whether it's classical or operant conditioning.  (I'm thinking operant conditioning, but that might just be because B. F. Skinner did his experiments on birds.)
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« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2005, 23:32:21 EST »

BSP - seaguls tend not to discriminate between feeders and non-feeders.

In tourist heavy areas where people feed seaguls, they can't tell between feeders and people who just want to eat their lunch. This can lead to the birds taking food out of peoples hands while they're eating it, I've even heard of an instance where the bird took the food out of someone's mouth.
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« Reply #11 on: February 04, 2005, 23:47:36 EST »

yes, it;s happend.  While spending the day at teh great lakes science center, we stoped and grabed a bite to eat.  Going outside, there were some seagules around, and so we tossed some fries into the air, and they came by ahd had it before it hit the ground.  Needless to say, we lost about half of our fries in this manner!  ^^
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« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2005, 07:11:28 EST »

So, you're basically saying that french fries should be reclassified as "entertainment food"?
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« Reply #13 on: February 05, 2005, 20:08:20 EST »

So, with all their research, how did they miss this one BIG problem with the case?

 "smittenedkitten"?

Quote
Feb 4, 5:10 PM EST

Music Industry Sues 83-Year-Old Dead Woman

CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) -- Gertrude Walton was recently targeted by the recording industry in a lawsuit that accused her of illegally trading music over the Internet. But Walton died in December after a long illness, and according to her daughter, the 83-year-old hated computers.

More than a month after Walton was buried in Beckley, a group of record companies named her as the sole defendant in a federal lawsuit, claiming she made more than 700 pop, rock and rap songs available for free on the Internet under the screen name "smittenedkitten."

Walton's daughter, Robin Chianumba, lived with her mother for the last 17 years and said her mother objected to having a computer in the house.

"My mother was computer illiterate. She hated a computer," Chianumba said. "My mother wouldn't know how to turn on a computer."

Chianumba said she faxed a copy of her mother's death certificate to record company officials several days before the lawsuit was filed, in response to a letter from the company regarding the upcoming legal filing.

"I believe that if music companies are going to set examples they need to do it to appropriate people and not dead people," Chianumba said. "I am pretty sure she is not going to leave Greenwood Memorial Park (where she is buried) to attend the hearing."

A Recording Industry Association of America spokesman said Thursday that Walton was likely not the smittenedkitten it is searching for.

"Our evidence gathering and our subsequent legal actions all were initiated weeks and even months ago," said RIAA spokesman Jonathan Lamy. "We will now, of course, obviously dismiss this case."

---

Information from: The Charleston Gazette, http://www.wvgazette.com

© 2005 The Associated Press
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« Reply #14 on: February 06, 2005, 13:05:38 EST »

...You know, I really want to know what would have happened if they hadn't have been sent the death certificate :lol:
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Interactive Fiction is computer gaming's best parallel with poetry: complex, subtle, and these days absolutely unsaleable.

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Art and entertainment are not terms of type - they are terms of intensity
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